Dear blog,

while Desktop computer sales have been sagging, and while Laptop sales have taken a dip, there’s something that has been exploding: and that is, Netbook sales (often referred to as mini-laptops).

 
the Asus Eee PC.

yep, these tiny wonder-machines have been exploding sales in the CE electronics market, and many businesses just want to jump unto this bandwagon.

well, guess who decided to jump into this bandwagon.
...
wait for it...

NOKIA!
yes lol, Nokia actually made a Netbook!

and no, they didn’t just to a cut-and-paste job. Really, Yikes. This one’s looking really good. Seriously, why couldn’t Nokia make a handphone this good?

how did they manage to stuff a 12-hour battery into that? Oh man, I want this arrived in Singapore so bad. Nokia might have just made the best damn Netbook ever to grace the market!

and it syncs with your Nokia handphone seamlessly, right out-of-the-box! A bonus, for Nokia phone owners. OHohoh, and it has GPS, and here’s the best part: It runs Windows7! Fantastic decision by Nokia, I wouldn’t want WindowsXP running on that.

Gah!

Singapore’s CE electronics market is fail. All that’s ever sold here is stupid mainstream stuff. Singapore’s always all about the mainstream. Pretty boring.

here’s something else I want in Singapore so bad:

you won’t believe it, but that’s Microsoft’s MP3 player. It’s basically Microsoft’s answer to the ipod touch, and it’s called the Microsoft Zune.

And this one’s the Zune HD. IT PWNS THE FUCKING IPOD TOUCH. Period. You should YouTube this ZuneHD, and see it in action. This is one hell of a amazing piece of gadget, and i’d take this over the stupid (and rather rotten) iPod Touch anytime.

Just wait till Microsoft sets up a store here in Singapore. Just wait. Screw all those Apple stores, i’m sick and tired of Apple selling their products as if they were some kind of cosmetic line. It disgusts me.

school today was alright!

well, we did it. The COB presentation’s done! My worst fears, they’re over! I thought we would have to crash the project, but nope. It was complete, and it was in full form. The 30 PowerPoint slides, they were all up, done, and polished.

The presentation went really smooth, too! Shafiqa’s surprisingly quite a competent presenter!

well, bloggie, nothing much to say. Everything went well, and everything that needed saying – has been said. Basically, now, I’d like to pronounce this project:

Pro’d.

Our entire group got A- for the presentation! Awesome, awesome, awesome!! Good job, everyone! Shafiqa, Siti, Hazirah, all of us, job well done! <3 you guys

I mean, yeah. We did go through quite some hard and rough times and other shit, but look, we pulled through! And hell, I wouldn’t mind going through it all over again, all in a heartbeat.

Yes, bloggie. I am pretty happy today. Well, more than anything, i’m just relived, and just so glad. This presentation was 50% of the COB’s total marks dude. Jonathan is right, the “Pro’d” feeling IS a nice feeling, especially in a presentation.

In other news, Razmeer and I had a really long chat in class today. I have to say, Razmeer is one guy with really strong moral values. Could do with more people like him, really.

bloggie,
today was an AWESOME day.

I look forward to a better tomorrow! Time to get started on my POA homework, though.

Word Out,
Ramesh

Dear blog,

as you can tell from the title, this post is freakin’ cancelled. Yeah, I did tell you I wanted it to be perfect. You know what? Cancelling this post is the perfect thing to do. I really wouldn’t have it any other way! I can’t state my reasons here though. Remember bloggie, you’re free for the world to read.

So with this, yep. I officially finished what I started, and that’s the end of your multi-post update.

Word out,
Ramesh

Dear blog,

today wasn’t bad. I miss something though – I used to love school so much. I’d say “I LUV SKOOL” out loud and proud, everytime. Now, today, here, it just isn’t the same.

Sigh, change takes place so quickly, I lose track of it just as fast. Maybe I DID like CCKSS alot...but...
gah, FUCK it. I’ve long been through.

so, Presentation’s tomorrow. Yeah, I know, I said that 2 days ago. But it’s been pushed back, twice. But tomorrow's it! Tomorrow’s the day, and everything’s all set. The presentation’s been pushed back so much, so much so that we actually managed to have enough time to prepare for it.

Tomorrow, we win. ^_^ but then again, Jojo’s group and Jacinthe’s group are 2 hard bunches of people to beat. Both of them, excellent job.

Farhan’s presentation today was hilarious! Actually, today’s COB presentation session has got to be the best one yet. It was a nice air-conditioned classroom, properly furnished, and had a decent projector (some of the non-air conditioned classrooms have crappy projectors). I mean, today’s COB presentation session was...just...really, really good.

Jacinthe and Farhan’s presentations really got the class up on their feet, a stark contrast from the first groups which presented, such as Ancherle’s group, where virtually no one from the class was listening. Today’s groups which presented got the entire class involved, and actually them asking questions about the projects. You know, like an actual Q&A session at the end of a presentation. These groups actually had it going, they had the class going.

I really doubt tomorrow’s session will be as good, which is why I was thinking of presenting today. At least, it was an air-conditioned classroom, with a decent projector, and it was properly furnished. At least, there would be a chance, the class would listen to our presentation, because Jacinthe and Farhan had already got the class on its feet.

but as usual, bloggie, you know my group. <_<

hm...I clearly remember Shafiqa telling me the project was about our grades, and not the people in the group. Yes, I know, we have to make professional decisions for our project, and not emotional decisions. But wait, way didn’t we present today again? I’m sure this was what she was talking about.

you know what, bloggie? i’d bet $5 bucks on half the class not listening to our presentation tomorrow. Yup, just like Ancherle’s and Jojo’s group. Although, Jojo’s group was really good, especially Jojo herself. I bet half the class didn’t notice this anyway, they weren’t just paying damn attention.

I just realized; in my class, more people than I thought really don’t give two hoots about their studies. They treat revision, lecturer’s advice, studying, and exams as a joke.

lol...bloggie, i’d like to call today, “Lecturer’s advice day”. It started straight from the morning, when I first entered the class (and yes, I made it on time), all the way to the day’s end.

I walk into the computer lab for POA, we were doing FACT software accounting for the last time today. Ms. Cynthia starts telling the people present in the lab, at that time, about her concern for the class. Her concern was mainly due to the Cash Book test we did recently; she said that she’d marked half of the answer scripts so far, and it was pretty badly done. She also said that she extended her concern to our CA, Mr. Chow, and also to the Course Manager, Ms. Jenne Foo (is that how you spell her name?).

And so Ms. Cynthia tells the class, giving us some advice. You know, the usual. How some of us would not be able to make it to the poly if we carry on like this, and so on. However, what I really like about Ms. Cynthia’s advice which she always gives to the class, is how she puts it into the adult world’s context.

Ms. Cynthia always emphasizes that a higher Nitec certification won’t be enough, and she always, always always always puts it nicely into context. Like, today she said that we could probably just get $1200/month with a Higher Nitec certificate, and –CPF, we would probably take home just $900+. Minus all the expenses, savings for a rainy day, and spending, we probably won’t be able to lead a good life at all. She says this everytime, and it works.

I quoted what Ms. Cynthia said in class today on Facebook: “Opportunity has came knocking on our door twice”. ITE isn’t where one would actually want to be, but if anything, ITE’s one hell of a second chance, waiting to be seized. This second chance that has been given to me, I won’t take it for granted.

That leads to another point. Continuing with Lecturer’s Advice Day, during the COB presentation session, Ms. Jenne Foo walked into our classroom (WTF). After Jacinthe and her group finished their presentation (Ms. Jenne Foo was nice enough to wait for them to finish, and not interrupt the class), Ms. Jenne Foo stood up, and started talking to us. Being the Course Manager, I personally was prepared for a verbal spanking from her to our class, just like how Mr. Leong, our Level co-coordinator in CCKSS would always do when he stepped into our class.

But actually, no. Ms. Jenne Foo was remarkably composed. She gave our class advice. She spoke to us regarding the examination debarments, so on, and so forth. It was pretty scary at times, because she knew a couple of names from our class. KC was one of them (that wasn’t surprising, to me at least). That poor guy has been dismissed from the course already, he’s gone. He’s gone from SC, and he’s never coming back.

Ms. Jenne Foo also put things into context, too. Literally. If what Ms. Cynthia said wasn’t enough, Ms. Jenne Foo said that even a Diploma these days doesn’t earn you much. I thought Ms. Jenne Foo was pretty nice, talking like that, in that composed tone, to such a problematic class. But when I told Ancherle this, she just smiled. I mean, hell, she’s our course manager. She’s our lecturer’s boss.

Ms. Jenne Foo said a couple of other things which made alot of sense also. She said that it was easy to dismiss a student from a course, or to debar a student from an examination. But she said that it was hard to salvage what’s left of a student in a student. I thought that was an interesting take on things.

Oh, bloggie, did I mention that our CA, Mr. Chow, was there also? Yeah, he was there, he came into the class shortly after Ms. Jenne Foo came in (WTF). If that isn’t enough, after everything was over, after Ms. Jenne Foo and Mr. Chow left the class, Ms. Cynthia came in, looking for Mr. Chow.

wow. Seriously, today must have been a big deal among the lecturers. I think things are getting pretty serious, it’s just that our class doesn’t realize it. The urgency for the upcoming exams is just not there. The lecturers do care about us, but our class...

Continuing with Lecturer’s Advice Day, it was Mr. Chow’s turn to talk to us during BSE lesson. I could tell, Mr. Chow pretty much has said everything that has needed saying. He kept shrugging his shoulders. One thing struck me though, Mr. Chow was being slightly more straightforward about things. And for the first time, I heard my own thoughts, our loud, by my very on CA:

“if I were you, I would work my butt off and do anything in these 2 years to get the hell out of this place as soon as I can”

I’ve always tried accepting ITE for what it is. It’s a good second chance, yada yada yada. But there you have it, Mr. Chow said it himself: Just get the hell out of this place as soon as possible. ITE just isn’t the place many of us should be in.

EPIC Win.

here’s something else which Mr. Chow said:
“Some of you guys are basically just getting the results which made you end up here in ITE in the first place.”

yeah, bloggie. You would have guessed by now: today was a day full of meaningfulness from our lecturers. If or not people heed it, I really can’t be bothered anymore. SC’s just full of people who don’t take these matters seriously. Which is a pity, because I think our class, SC, is a nice decent bunch of people.

I know life isn’t all about studies, but when you’re in a subsided government school, taking a course as a full time student, studies should be a first priority. If you don’t realize that, like Ms. Jenne Foo said, these people should to a private institution. It would probably fit their lifestyle more. Like Mr. Chow said, sort out priorities. So, if people don’t realize the gravity of everything that is ITE, if they can’t seize this second chance here, they probably don’t care about themselves either. Zhi Min was right.

Mr. Chow was more than honest, he actually can predict the future! He said that, when the exam results are released online, some people may look at their lousy results, and just laugh it off. The people who just laugh off their lousy exam results, they just want to put up a brave front. Mr. Chow said that few in our class would actually cry over lousy exam results; most of the people here in SC are just too “hardened” for that.

yes, that is EXACTLY what Mr. Chow said.

another point brought up today which I thought was useful, was that this semester was the easiest to score. The next academic year would have all the tougher modules and assignments. Ms. Jenne Foo said that this was the time to score, because in the second year, with the tougher modules ahead, we probably won’t be able to score well, and with that, our steam and drive would probably go down with it as well. So, whatever I do, this is THE time to score. So what if I think the COB project might not be well-done? it's just a minor setback.

Well, nice talking to you. I need to start revision for stuff.
With all these in mind, bloggie, I continue walking.

Word Out,
Self-motivated Ramesh

Dear Blog,

Crap dude, presentation’s tomorrow. And with that, a POA 3-column cash book test, too. Stress? not really. I clearly remember Mr. Low’s famous line from back in Primary school, and I think that is for a reason.

“there’s no such thing as Stress lah, where got?”
”It’s PRESSURE!”

The presentation, from my angle, isn’t going to crash as hard I think it was. I don’t know how the others are going to do, but we’re being graded as a group, so just because of that reason, it matters. Shafiqa says she’s got these...cards prepared for us. I’ve been thinking up my own pointers for the slides i’m presenting, but i’m hoping Shafiqa’s expectations with her...cards doesn’t ruin my own pointers for myself.

So, basically, i’m being told what to do. Again. Remember when I told you about my group not having Synergy? this is exactly what I meant.

Well, at the rate of which the project was going, i’m a little glad Shafiqa took became a little authoritative over stuff, with initiative of course. So, props to her, but shit, I don’t think that’s not how a group project’s supposed to be working out in the first place. I dunno, I may be wrong. Screw it, I blame it partially on Mr. Chin who didn’t draw up proper parameters for this project. WHERES THE PROJECT MODEL DAMMIT LOL

Oh god, I hope a lecturer of mine isn’t reading this blog. Ms. Cynthiya once told me she reads my blog, and Mr. Chow knows our Facebook status updates (including mine, which is why he knew my holidays sucked). Hahaha, damn these lecturers are cool.

Of course, if I thank Shafiqa for this, then i’ll have to be fair, and give credit to the rest. So, Siti, thank you for all of the paperwork you’ve done for the project (yes, we all know you ain’t exactly tech-savvy ^_^), and huge thanks to Hazirah for pretty much solo-ing most of the post-event on her own.

I’ve yet to see those fake result statistics we’re supposed to do, though, but i’m sure it’s in.

As for me, I think I worked quite alot on...design. Which is weird, I think. But I just realized: I didn’t exactly do one thing for the group, I was kinda all over the place. Was this a result of me being told what to do? Or was it me just being an idiot in the group? I’ll never know. But anyway, I did the flyer, banner, Financial Budgeting, and for some reason, the slides. Shafiqa told me it’s because I was the only one with Office 2007 (fail technological barrier), so I ended up doing the slides. Shafiqa pretty much took over the slides though, when she got her copy of Office 2007 up and running on her rather small Netbook.

but whatever the case, I stand by what I said: its do or die.

it’s time to…
WITNESS THE CRAPTACULARNESS OF MAH’ DESIGN LULz

first, full fledged iteration of the flyer. Notice the “blahblahblah”? yeah,...our group didn’t manage on settling on a event name even after the concept for the flyer was fully realized. But then again, damn this project, we were not given enough time.

but anyway:

 
the text at the bottom was made darker, mainly because of printing reasons.

as with the banner, lol: 
I fail @ spelling. Read: fortcanng.

these were supposed to appeal to both the young and <ahem> young at heart, but...ah well. I think they’re pretty decent for something rushed in a couple of days.

 
A simple ticket mockup I did. Nothing much, but hey, it’s a mockup, and it does its job. Shafiqa’s modified it since.

 
Derived text-based logo for the event. Of course, it would look a ton better on a white background.

...and here’s the even logo. Lol. Well, this too, would look better on a white background, of course.

and bloggie, if you’re wondering what “blahblahblah” was inspired by, it was this:
 
Yep.

and if you’re wondering where THAT was from, then,
 
hohoho, it’s another internet joke!

(apparently there are people out there who absolutely HATE amazon.com)

however, if you’re wondering what the star, the bright yellow colors, and the rest was inspired by, i’d have to say it was probably Siti. She likes that star =).

What Zhi Min told me yesterday set me thinking, something which the Today newspaper couldn’t do.(I’d bet half of the people reading this right now wouldn’t be able to get that joke, because i’m just too lame. No one found the funny pictures I posted funny anyway. Ah well, bloggie, i’m sure you get the joke. Wait, you do…right?)

end /b/

anyway, what Zhi Min told me yesterday did set me thinking. I mean, yeah, he did come off as a egoist overall, and what else, he’s a SAJC student. What i’m pointing at is not that though, i’m pointing at some points he made. He made several points, some of which just crushed my morale (more than it already is), some which made me angry, some which made me feel sad, lousy, disappointed in myself, a failure, blah blah blah.

but some of his points, were valid.

I mean, what if I really am turning into this half-arsed idiot in ITE? I’ve seen people doing work in poly, it isn’t easy. In fact, its about the same level as Secondary school. I was stressed in secondary school, I couldn’t handle it. I may have just been immature, not to understand the gravity of ‘O’ levels. Now that i’ve hit rock bottom, it’s do or die. Like he said, if I fail here,

i’ve failed what i’ve wanted to do since day one.

I understand and realize the gravity of the situation I am in, I really do. But what if, what if it’s alot more serious than what i’m seeing? I mean, the lecturers here have told us, Poly’s just the beginning. What if I make it Poly, and break down there? That isn’t any better. And i’ve seen poly work before.

It. Is. Not. Easy.

I’ve opened my eyes, it was all presented to me, from my transition from secondary school express to ITE. It was all laid down in front of me, right before my very eyes. I know, I’ve seen, I realize, I understand. But then, why am I still that immature idiot from secondary school? why am I so embarrassed to look at myself in the mirror? have I changed? I don’t think so. After all that’s happened in my life, I should have that burning fire inside of me, that fire which burns so hard, it would propel me to do anything. Anything, anything at all, to get out of where I am right now, and go back to the place where I should have been all along, A Polytechnic, something I should have been capable of 2 years back. But no, this fire I had when I entered my school, it has subsided since. What am I being constantly plagued by? Friends? Family? What is it? What about those “Emotional attachments” which Zhi Min says I might have picked up? Whatever it is, i’m going after it.

What Zhi Min said about JC, made even more sense (indirectly), when I was reading Chelsea’s blog.

I screwed up my life, bloggie. I really did. Today, Mum told me I was lazy. She said I should go to the gym, or do something else. You know what? I should.

I remember everything that was presented to me, when I entered ITE. Right from ‘O’ level results day, to the first day of school here. It all happened in front of me, right before my very fucking eyes. I know. Bloggie, you were here, I shedded tears for hours and hours. This isn’t even a course of my choice, and yet, i’ve accepted it. Why does everything that’s been worked for, has to go to waste like this? Why do I accept life being unfair to me?

Tomorrow, I start a new day.

Word out,
Ramesh

Dear Blog,

Yesterday marked the end, and a beginning. I don’t think that fixes things for me though, and even if it does, it’s only fixing half of what I am guilty of. But that’s alright, at least they’re friends once again, and they’ll be happy. For the mistake I made, I will bear the consequences.

I don’t think it is a good habit to run away, but getaways are good sometimes. Went over to CS’s place after school. It’s been some time since I last went there, that quiet estate of his, those terrace houses. Ah, nostalgia.

What was even more nostalgic was how I laughed over all those stupid things we can do in video games, griefing around in them, and exploiting them. I miss doing stuff like these, life’s been all about school, friends, and trying it accept it all and soaking it in has been not only difficult, but also very stressful.

Playing Team Fortress 2 after such a long time was a nice getaway. Such a good game, what a pity I can’t play it home. It really helps me to cheer up.

 
a small, yet cool addition to the game. The main menu had always shown a picture of the RED (Reliable Excavation Demolition) team, but now, they’ve added this picture to the main menu, representing the BLU (Builders League United) team. It’s pretty.

I’m losing everything I ever cared and loved about. Nothing these days cheer me up. Listening to music doesn’t help, keeping myself occupied doesn’t help, chatting with friends doesn’t help, i’m losing my appetite like crazy, and spending time in front of the computer just turns me further into a materialistic bitch. I just want to lie down, and go to sleep forever, and cry my heart out. I hate what i’m doing to myself. I’m not proud of the person i’ve become.

I have got this bad habit of clipping my nails until they bleed. I should stop that >D:

Yesterday, at CS’s place, at around 9PM or so, Sangeetha initiated a chat with me. We talked about school, and it was long story short on our parts, but the replies she gave me were killer ones:

”hahaha don’t worry, no one does it on purpose”
”everyone’s got problems like these, you know, politics”

It was so simple. And it made sense.

You know, bloggie, i’ve been seriously considering stripping the tagbox off you. I mean, since not many people tag us anyway. And yeah, I do collect statistics on the visitor traffic you’re receiving. Due to the lack of me updating you, there’s been a 2% drop of the number of people reading you. LOL. But that isn’t bad, I guess. At least i’m able to think, and write my thoughts here. At least, i’m able to express to you how my emotional status is like, and how it feels. It’s a ton better than not updating you at all, like in the past couple of weeks.

I wish life could just slow down, then I would have more time to reflect, and not be plagued by other people’s thoughts. However, reality rushes in; the world is anything BUT slow. Although I live in a farm, we live in a city. The City Life isn’t slow, if anything. The people in school are not slow, my lecturers are slower than secondary school, but people in class have problems catching up, which means the lecturers are still fast to certain people. Perhaps, just perhaps, this might be a weakness of mine. I like to take things too slow, too light. I’m tense, I can’t relax.

Sometimes, I’d spend the entire night stoning in front of the computer, or updating you. That’s because i’m not ready for a new day, I don’t want today to end. I’m just not finished with what I started. I’m not ready to go to bed, and face tomorrow.

The weeks pass by really quick, this year’s passing pretty quick. It feels like just like yesterday, we were in class, doing a sing-a-long session with Mr. Sunny Chow for NDP celebrations.

And now, OFA exam’s next week. My classmates and me with less-than-proper attendance have been given debarment appeal forms. Yes, I got debarred from a subject. I’m being debarred from COB, a module with absolutely no written papers. Which means, if I were to be debarred from COB, I would have to do either that project again, that listening test, or that role-play again. At least, that’s what Mr. Chin told me, when I talked to him about this. From the looks of it, i’d rather be debarred from a written paper instead.

I’m pretty worried for some people in F.U.C.K.T.A.R.D.S who got debarred. I’ve got my fingers crossed that their appeal goes through, particularly one person. But i’m not telling here, hahahaha. You see, bloggie, sure, I can write here about all my problems, but you aren’t exactly private. In fact, you’re free for the world to read. And that is what’s unique about a blog.

and oh, by the way, if you’re wondering what F.U.C.K.T.A.R.D.S is, its kinda being used as the name of our clique. Isn’t that cute? hahaha, funny people, them.

I overheard from Mr. Henry about something regarding the debarment. I’m not telling that here either, because I don’t think I was supposed to hear that, when I was in the staff room. (lol) I also heard about some of the more serious cases in our class, in a chat Mr. Chin and Mr. Chow were having. Both of them, bound to be debarred, or hell, even dismissed from the course. It’ll be sad to see them leave, but here’s hoping they get through.

Hope exists. Not only does hope exist, hope runs deep, and is alive.

I owe big time to someone in my class, who I think is special. I can’t believe it, all this time, I couldn’t see. How could I have been, so blind. What a fool I am. You may think i’m being too hard on myself, but I feel terrible man. It was _____ the entire time. I just couldn’t see. Now I owe her – big time. I feel indebted. I NEED to apologize, but i’m afraid of screwing things up further, more than what I already did. Things have been settling down, but...

Fuck you, Ramesh. What a unappreciative bastard you’ve been.

and yeah, I did say there was 5 parts to the multi-post update. So, you must be wondering, where is #5? Well, it was 4AM in the morning, and I couldn’t finish #5. I went to sleep after #4, I was so tired. Ah well, at least I spiced you up with life after not updating for some time k? b happi :D

I will, however, still finish multi-post #5 sometime, as promised. That’s because #5 is going to be special, and I want it to be perfect. Which is why it’s taking so long. I’m not a perfectionist, and I only believe in perfection to only an extent, but I trust, making #5 perfect will be worth it. My guilty conscience be healed.

and, I trust, Time will continue to heal, just like what it did yesterday.

Word out,
Unappreciative Ramesh

Dear Blog,

continuing with #4, i’d like to share some of the funny pictures i’ve collected from random places on the internet. It’s pretty cool actually, what the internet can do.

I’ve collected these and placed them all in my “funny shit” folder. Whenever I need a good laugh, I open up this folder, and just browse through these. So here, i’m sharing them with you. I hope you find them just as funny.

and finally, my personal favorite:

Word Out,
Ramesh

Dear Blog,

hehehe, I wasn’t kidding about the multi-post update, was I? now you know!

[warning-to-self: this is a partial rant post]

we’re nearing the end of our COB project, an event we’re supposed to organize. The way Mr. Chin put it to us when we first started out, it appeared to be small, and easy. We weren’t even given any in-class time slots by him to do the projects, which means the project should have been easy and small enough to cram into the little free time we all have in our interlocking schedules, right?

WRONG.

Mr. Chin didn’t exactly draw out the parameters and requirements of the project clearly from the very beginning. When he was showing the marking criteria slides for this project some time back, I was copying it down, hurriedly, as he just flipped through the slides. I was the only one in class who copied it down, because I thought it would pay off, and be beneficial to me and my group. It did pay off later, to an extent. But here’s the thing: Mr. Chin said we wouldn’t be needing it, and told me “no need to copy down lah”.

A few days later, when the class asked him further about the criteria of the project, Mr. Chin said, to the whole class, that I had copied it down, so I knew. I ended up lending my messy notes in my Diary 3.0 to alot of people, which is how i’m guessing the information got passed.

Simply put, the parameters and requirements for the project was not clear. I tried asking Mr. Chin about this, but he said the project didn’t have any parameters or set-strict requirements that we had to follow. It was like secondary school all over again, where I felt lied to, when a teacher would tell us something about the subject, but the subject would be something different altogether. I clearly remember the literature teachers in CCKSS promoting the subject as “textbook-less”. In the end, the literature students were the ones dealing with the most amount of words on paper.

Mr. Chin wasn’t very clear about the requirements for the presentation, either. We’ve been learning presentation skills from our COB textbook, and we know it’s not right to read from the slides straight, but...

guess what Mr. Chin did, he decided to scare the sh*t out of poor Yen Chee, when she was presenting, by saying something so bold at that time, “IF YOU READ FROM THE SLIDES, THE MAXIMUM YOU’LL GET IS ONLY A C+”. Yen Chee stood there momentarily, stunned, and not knowing what to do, she continued. Mr. Chin repeated the exact same thing while she was presenting at least 3 times.

It was painful to see that 30-slide presentation take such a plunge at that very instant (i’m so sorry about your group, Ancherle), and I started worrying about ours. We haven’t even touched the presentation aspect of our project yet, and the group i’m in, we can work well together, but we just don’t have that level of synergy which could help us score. I called up Shafiqa later that evening, thinking of a meeting to rehearse, or at least, to save our presentation next week, but everyone’s busy. Siti’s working, Hazirah can’t make it for god-knows-what-reason, and Shafiqa could probably make it, but since half the group couldn’t, i’d take a wild guess: she’d rather spend the weekend with her boyfriend who’s in camp right now.

I don’t remember my group being able to gather the synergy to put the fist on the table together, and say that those 30 powerpoint slides we were working on have been finalized. As I type these words, i’m still rather uninformed about the slides, and when they go up on the projector screen on our presentation slot on Monday, I don’t know what i’m going to see. Siti was optimistic throughout, she kept saying that “we’re done” at the end of every meeting we had. Ah, Siti.

Despite my pessimism about the project, I think it’s been going surprisingly well. I was convinced, at one point of time, that the “project’s going to hell”. It isn’t as bad now, but still, not knowing exactly what’s going up on the projector on Monday is a little... unsettling.

My pessimism about the project was never appreciated, mostly because them girls didn’t like the negativity I put on the table, but I think it paid off. When Mr. Chin critiqued on our slides, we took it into consideration, and started working on it immediately. Ancherle’s group had their project finalized, they were ready to present, but then Mr. Chin and his STM gave Ancherle’s group some serious critique, which in turn, made them so stressed out over the project. Bloggie, you should’ve been there to see it. I never had seen Alicia so stressed before, ever.

On that phone call with Shafiqa that evening, I highlighted how Acnherle’s group’s presentation took such a huge blow, and then a plunge. I didn’t even complete my sentence, but Shafiqa knew, that I was worried. She gave a strong reply over the phone:

”Don’t worry Ramesh, that won’t happen to us.”

What she said was refreshingly reassuring, although no action has been taken as of then to improve, I believed her assurance meant something. I mean, it has got to be of some value, right? So, with a strange sense of relief, I hung up.

Looking on the more real and bright side of our project, I think our group has a nice edge over the other groups, and when Mr. Chin looked through our slides, he only said that we were missing information. The existing slides that we had, they were all fine. To put it plain and simple, we didn’t exactly get critiqued. I think it’s a good sign. When Mr. Chin was done looking through our slides, when he was leaving for another group, he said that if we finished our post-event right, we could make our event sound very believable, as if we were actually doing the event itself. This is one edge our group might have, over the others.

With this in mind, and with what Shafiqa said, on Monday, we’re (well, at least for me anyway.) going to take a deep breath, close our eyes, get out there, and flatter the rest.

I have no clue on how it’s going to be like on Monday. Only god knows, and may he bless us.

That said, I think its going to be difficult for everyone to match up to Jojo’s group. They were really good. Jojo’s surprisingly a excellent presenter, but i’m curious to know how many people actually bothered paying attention in class to notice this.

So, bloggie, with that, here are a few bits and pieces of what I did for the group. Maybe 2 years later, i’ll come back to this very post I wrote here to you, and remember all the good and bad times I had doing this project.

Uh, on second thought, I think I should post them here AFTER our presentation on Monday. I don’t think my group would like me to ruin our own so-called surprise.

Sigh, bloggie. Monday’s the day. Its either do…
…or die.

Word Out,
Ramesh

Dear blog,

my computer’s got a virus, today, after 4 years without having one. I found the culprit – it was from my thumbdrive. The virus from my thumbdrive spread not only to this computer, but to my other removable disks as well. I’ve wiped them all out already, but i’m hoping my ZEN MP3 player doesn’t have it, or else, i’m going to have to wipe my playlist for my journey to school tomorrow, which is just sad. I’ve gotten rid of the virus manually already since, without the help of an antivirus. You know me, i’m one hell of a PC geek, I know every nook and cranny of this computer which I maintain (lol self-admin).

Since my post about that mega game convention, E3 2009, not much have been happening to the games that were announced then. They’re all probably going to be released only in late September, and until then, the hype has just got to wait.

Along with the hype, is a bunch of trailers which they come up with, to promote the game, and try attract gamers to buy the game. This trailer, just makes me want the game so much. But too bad, i’m going to have to just dream about it. I never get what I want. Never ever.

Well, yeah. There was this period of time I begged my parents to get me something I wanted so badly, but I never did get anything out of it, besides countless hours of ruining my parents trust through that lobbying. I’ve given up on most of my materialistic wants and needs since (like new clothes), partly because I don’t think I deserve it; i’m a failure at my own life. But sometimes, I wish I could get one. Just one thing, out of the so many things I crave for. Sigh, dreams. People say that dreams are meant to be chased, but i’m dreaming after I failed at chasing them.

So, bloggie, you may find it stupid for me to crave over all these games and their flashy trailers, posting them here to you, but to me, they’re part of my dreams.

Of course, I don’t expect you to like it as much as I do. Just adding on, I love the adrenaline in these trailers.

Sometimes, I wonder what’s the point of all these materialistic wants and needs. But then again, if everyone were to have that mentality, we wouldn’t be able to live properly. Which is probably why dad made us live here.

I can read your mind, bloggie. If you were to be a person, you’d probably ask me to sit down, and tell me straight in the eye, “patience”.

Yeah...I know. I get the idea. One day, bloggie.
One day.
that day will come.
I just need the patience, bloggie. I wish I could share your optimism. Optimism in people is becoming a little rare these days.

oh wait, before I leave, here’s a nice game machinima made by my online friend from KL, Malaysia. He’s put alot of effort into this, and he’s been asking me to write about it here. It’s really really good, if you ask me. He did it all by himself. Too bad, the community hasn’t been making any sense at all, and this is just really underappreciated. Zephyre’s come a long way with this. Ah well, shit happens, doesn’t it.

of course, bloggie, you wouldn’t know how well made this is either. The game Machinima (game fan movies) industry still hasn’t picked up much yet.

Well, unto the next multi-post update, shall we?

Word out,
Ramesh

Dear blog,

I haven't been updating you for some time now. I'd love to update you regularly, but i've been rather emotional about everything these days. I intend to keep you happy, but that's getting increasingly difficult to do. School's getting a little rough. I believe time is magic, time has the power to heal, and time will heal, but i'm a little afraid. We might not have enough time.

Oh there I go, being emotional again.

well, bloggie, as a bonus, i’ll throw in 5 posts into today’s update. Pretty insane, but you deserve it. So here’s #1 of a 5-part your multi post update.

I can be pretty stupid at times, really. I do things I don’t even know, and things that I don’t exactly mean. I really don’t know. Mum told me to stop saying that, that I should stop saying “I don’t know”. But right now, things are pretty heated up, and i’m both in the middle of it, AND the cause of it. Right now, I don’t know what to do. I need a listening ear, someone I can sit down with right now, exhale everything out, and then laugh about it over a cup of coke. It’s scary, I don’t know who I can turn to for sound, correct, and sensible advice.

Wait, its more like, I don’t know what’s the right advice I should be listening to.

But one person in class gave managed to give me some advice. Really sound advice. This guy from my class doesn’t even know half of the story behind me being emo these days, but he shared his own experience with me, a similar situation i’m in right now. Something about what he said to me made me push to do something today, but instead, I held back – again. I intend to do something, but this something that i’m going to do, i’m just too chicken. I’m too chicken, because i’m scared of making yet another small yet important mistake. I’m afraid of screwing things up even further than they already are, just trying to fix it.

Today was different. Well, this entire week’s been different. Going to school, day after day, there’s less things to look forward to socially. I used to have a certain acceptance, a certain belonging. Something to look forward to when going to school. I valued that so much, but now, everything’s threading on thin ice, and its all my fault. I can’t seem to be able to fix it very well (advice i’ve been getting hasn’t helped much thus far), and my brain is running away from this reality; my focus on things at school is changing. I see myself more focused on work being given to me at school. I also get up and sleep at regular times these days (damn, I need an alarm clock), just for the sake of my attendance at school. It doesn’t feel right, but then again, it doesn’t feel wrong either. I mean, what else do we go to school for?

Yeah, it’s funny how the world works.

I’ve been chatting alot with Jonathan lately. It’s fun, and honestly, I miss talking to guys (no homo).

ah man, funny guy.

i’m pretty nervous to face school these days, but I still believe time will heal us all. May god have mercy upon us.

I’m sorry to have caused so much misery, sadness, confusion, anger, dispersion, and heartbreaks. It was never my intention to hurt anyone, especially any one of you guys.

Please forgive me. I know its rather cowardly of me to apologize here, but i’m so so so sorry.

P.S bloggie, I hope you like my new style of writing.
P.P.S ah damn it, Blogger isn’t loading properly. I’m writing this using Windows Live Writer, which is surprisingly good!

Word out,
Ramesh