Simply put, these mistakes, they've learnt from it, and have led to shape the person they are. It has been my observation that these people who have been shaped, they're bound to be nice.

So, what are these mistakes? The stories can range from how that person might have lost thier virginity, how thier families have been torn apart, and perhaps, for me, how I flung my academics in just one crucial year.

but crap, i'm not talking about myself here. I'm talking about all those humble people who've become stronger individuals through thier own life's stories. These people are really as genuine as they appear to be: they're just very nice. I think these people are just damn underappreciated, and other fags get all the respect. That's how humble these people are.

Behind many of the people in my class, they've got stories. Curiously, compared to secondary school, there are many more people here that I can look up to, relate to, and learn. For that, i'm glad. Yes, ITE isn't somewhere one would actually want to go to, but if anything, it's one hell of a second chance, waiting, dying to be seized.

On another note, i'm having serious last-minute repercussions on the five College West campuses combining into the new mega campus at Chua Chu Kang next year. I'm going to miss Clementi. Sure, it may be small, even possibly smaller than my Secondary School. It may be old, 20 years old. However, there's cozy about things around here in Clementi. It's a school solely for Business, and that's the nice part. It's small community, and our small size, I believe, is our strength (deja vu Singapore's own size versus other bigger countries). You can recognize familiar faces around you here. I'm going to miss that when we become a mega huge community at Chua Chu Kang. The students here, compared to other ITE campuses, have been told that they're better well-behaved, too. There's actually discipline here, something which may not even be evident in other ITE colleges. What will happen to the nice bunch here? This was my biggest fear when I stepped into this school: people who scare me. It's gone, but it may come back when we join a bigger community at Chua Chu Kang. My biggest fear might return: fear of scary people, all over again. I hope for the best when we move. Because discipline-wise, Clementi's got it down. It would be a shame to see it all ruined just because they combined all the 5 colleges in the west in favour of a bigger and cooler campus.

Damn it.

after school today:

Queensway shopping center has got all of these jerseys that you can customize an' sht. The girls FINALLLYY got thier jerseys. (girls + clothing = you do the math, guys.)

But anyway, Queensway Shopping Centre is a really good place to get good clothing/shoes/whatever at a really, REALLY good price. It's cheeeaaapp!

We needed to wait for the jerseys' order to arrive, so we had to wait for some 3 hours. Shafiqah's dad picked us up, and we went over to Shafiqah's house, at Pasir Ris, which was really far. Gosh, how early do these people have to wake up to get to school.

Shafiqah's dad came across as a nice guy, but Shafiqah told us...stories about him. Her mum and dad are divorced. She said that her stepdad was the one who's always there, and is the one who buys her stuff. Which is funny, because her biological dad (the one who drove us to the mum's house; they don't live together) really came across as a nice guy. Maybe he was just playing a figurehead, because i'm pretty sure Shafiqah wouldn't actually want to lie about why he and her mum divorced.

Anyway, Shafiqah's stepdad was at home, but not her mum. Shafiqah had MIO tv, and there was this movie-on-demand service on it, so we watched "Scary Movie" on-demand. It's supposedly a funny, cocky, and cheeky movie, but fuck it, it was just overall plain cheap humor. It's a laugh, but not a very good one. It was just so frickin' cheap. Yeah, so what if i LOL'd during the movie? It was kinda...dumb, and disgusting, if you ask me. It was like as if the script for that movie was written by a 8-year old.

But ah well, it was a laugh.

@ 5.30PM+, shafiqah's (biological)dad came to pick us up, and dropped us off at queensway, again. He really does come across as a nice guy.

we were at queensway, when it was nearing 6.00+PM. They STILL didn't have the jerseys ready, and Siti was getting a little...less than relaxed. Just was we were distancing for the store, the lady came out to us, and said that the jerseys had come. We got them, and it was at this point of time where we would say a happy farewell to a not-so-composed Siti.

Dinner was at Mac, Shafiqah's dad's treat. Or Shafiqah's. heh. Ancherle's friend came over, and we would part ways from here onwards also. Shafiqah had some class she was supposed to attent, but she decided to skip it. Shafiqah just wanted to hang out, and asked me along. So, Shafiqah and Me part ways with Ancherle and her friend, and Shafiqah's suggestion: we head into town. It was 7.00PM+ at that time, I believe. It was pretty late, and I was afraid if or not i'd be able to make the last bus home (which is at 11.00PM). But heck, we just went.

We exited Queensway Shopping Center, walked past IKEA alexandera, and through Anchorpoint. From the bus stop there, we took a bus into town. Transferred buses at Dohby Ghaut.

Shafiqah really knows her locales really well, and I only knew half of which. She was pretty much the street-smart tour guide. We shared stories on the way, and it will be on this fateful day, where I was finally able to understand why her relationship with her boyfriend was so. It's hard to put into words, but she did it. Hopefully, I got what she meant correctly. I can't remember what else we talked about, but she surprised me when she said she missed school. I thought she didn't like school, which was probably why she was gone for so many lessons. But no, that wasn't the reason. She actually likes school. Finally, someone who sees school the way I do.

a brainwave struck me: today was the 27 of July, 2009.

So, we walked the entire crowded stretch of Orchard road (i was still in school uniform, lol), and reached ION. The mall looks normal on the outside, but heck, at the point when we entered the mall, we had NO idea what we were diving into.

Shafiqah's "plan" was to go right up first, and then look around the place. I thought ION Orchard would be another dissapointing mall with cramped spaces, but how wrong I was. ION was full of open space, with even open areas with benches/couches for you to sit down and small talk. The stores were all mostly expensive retail outlets. You know, brands which are expensive, premier, and never heard of. However, there were 2 stores which caught major attention from Shafiqah and me. The first store was Prints, a store selling distinctly-colored notebooks and folders. And damn, those notebooks were really pretty. the Con side of it? You wouldn't want to look at the pricetag of those notebooks. Yep, notebooks are now expensive also. But hell, they make good gifts. I'd pay for one, to give it to someone special. ^_^

The next store was actually a Faber-Castell store. yeah, wtf. Faber-Castell actually has a store now, and it was selling (or showcasing?) really expensive pens. They go well with the expensive notebooks, I guess. But daaamn, Faber-Castell is king when it comes engineering stationery.

ION had escalators all over the place, seriously. And for some weird reason, some of the escalators skip floors. But if you were to look around, you'll notice that ION has seriously a ton of escalators. They're all over the (spacious and open) place. At one point of time, while we were going up a seriously long escalator which skipped an entire floor, I counted that there were nearly 10 other escalators within my sight. Wtf?!

no, really. If you're going to ION anytime soon, do make it a point to lookout for the escalators. They have them installed all over the mall. Escalators are all over the frickin' place.

at Level 3, there was the much talked about art gallery, and ION art (oh, jeez). I heard about ION art in the news, so we went in to check it out, only to find that it was largely an empty gallery. CRAP.

However, there was a video being screened, showing the features of the mall. When the screen showed "4 floors, 4 basements", Shafiqah stood up, and her eyes widened. My eyes were transfixed to the screen, too.

seriously, 4 basements? no kidding?

Shafiqah and I then quicky took one of the many empty escalators available, and brisk walked on them down, down, down, down, and downnnn.

Sure it was, and the basement was HUUGE. ION's basement was basically an area dedicated to food, and oh, the smell. Here at the basement, the stores were less of the brands, and more of the practical stuff (heh. I like) There was this Japanese store, which seriously reminded me of Daiso, except that this one wasn't $2 everywhere. But still, it was good stuff. Burger King was at the basement too, and wtf. You should go look at it. Walked past other unheard-of brand stores, some of which, sold really nice clothing/shoes/whatever at decent prices. I'd still choose to get my clothes at queensway rather than here, though. Heh, i'm such a cheap guy.

We also checked out some Sony Ericson's handphones, and damn it. The new models are pretty. There a Apple shop opposite, and that's when Shafiqah told me that she used to have the ipod nano, but lost them.

Shafiqah checked out other stuff, while I just walked about, and trailing behind, checking other stuff on my own. Crap, ION is such a huge place. We couldn't complete seeing the entire mall in the 2 hours we had. As the time approached 9.00PM+, I said we had to leave. We took an even longer escalator up, which, this time, skipped 2 floors. Bam, we were at Orchard MRT station. The Mall and the station are linked.

Didn't talk on the train much, because we were both rather shagged. We took the train from orchard, and transferred at Raffles Place, where we parted ways. Man, what a run we had. I can't believe it was actually a schoolday today. But who cares? I didn't regret a single bit.

Managed to get on the bus home, without having to fear for the last bus. Reached home at 11.00PM+. My mum didn't ask me why returned home so late. Heh, if she did ask, my answer would probably keep her jaws hanging.

^ that is one hell of a amazing piece of photography.

I said that I wanted to shape tomorrow into a better day. You know what, for once, I might have just done that.

I never really get many things about my life straight, but this is one case, where I actually did. Maybe it was just luck, but I don't want to look into it. It's been too good to touch.

My friend was talking to me once about how his life actually has changed over the past...12 months. I really could relate to that, because I think me, myself, and my life has changed drastically over the past couple of months.

While i've been complaining how everything has just become so shallow over the months, the thing is, when i'm actually a part of it all, everything's forgiven. And hell, just one day after I wrote that, things took quite a turn at school, and shallow, isn't so shallow anymore. Besides, it's dangerous to go in deep. It's like an undercover operation: go in deeper and deeper, you can't get out. You're caught in it, and it'll take a really long time to get out. Prison Break's storyline is built pretty much on top of this structure. They're always on the run and want freedom, and would jeopardise anything to be free. They're caught, and took a long time to prove themselves to get out of it all. I just completed watching the entire season 4, and I have to say, Prison Break is awzum.

Things have changed. They've changed again, and once more, again. It's true, the only thing that doesn't actually change, is change itself!

Ancherle's been a little more than upset lately. Hey, if you're reading this, this one's for you:

also, I hope your nose is doing fine. lol.

Siti and I have been exchanging thoughts, quite alot of them. This too, can get pretty deep (and rather personal also) at times. Another reason why I take back what I said about shallowness. Jeez, Siti, you think too much!

I'm becoming too lazy, and not doing work. I wonder what happened to my drive to do work. I need to self-discipline myself.

today was a nice day. Mostly slack (again), but it was good. I'm sitting in front of my PC with the intention of finishing up my POA and BSE homeworks, but crap, i'm just playing my own mind games again.

So Ancherle got this nice pair of headphones. Not only are they nice, but, the design scores really high too.

Listening to music on that, is like being on music drugs or something. It's that good. I'd die for one, but the more optimistic side of me halts that thought. The catch? i'd probably look like a retard with them on all the time. Especially when i'm on the MRT or something.

oh HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Wait, why am I laughing at myself? OKAY MOVING ON

but still. Music drugs. Seerious music immersion.

I never looked at headphones as some very practical in the first place, actually. I guess I wasn't the only one, because today, we've got all sorts of downplayed versions of the original headphone's design. Clip-ons and such. There're so many of them out there, I didn't bother looking into any of them, until I came across this pair that belongs to Ancherle. She's been nice, letting me use them every now and then. I just find it that much addictive.

I guess another reason on why I never looked into headphones is because I didn't want my hearing ability to detoriate. It's a known fact: playing loud music through your headphones can damage your hearing faster than through earpieces. I play my music loud most of the time, so....yeah. It's pretty scary, actually. I was playing music at the maximum volume with Ancherle's headphones on, and I didn't even look at reducing the volume. I've never played music at maximum volume on my earpiece. With Ancherle's headphones, I never manage to realize how loud the music i'm playing is, until I actually take the headphones off, and adjacent people manage to hear music playing through the headphones, even from a distance.

I mean, maximum volume, and I still nod my head to the beat.

Bass has a way of leveling off the louder portions of a tune, making the song sound alot less louder than what is supposedly is. Which is perhaps why, even at the maximum volume, I didn't feel obliged to reduce the volume. I didn't even experience any form of hearing discomfort. With earpieces, i'd Scream Out Lol (SOL) if I was forces to listen to a song at max volume. This happens at home, too. My PC's speakers have pretty strong bass, and over time, I just keep increasing the volume, without realizing how loud it actually is. That is, until my mum steps in to nag at me. I never realize exactly how loud my music is, and it's because the bass somehow manages to level off all the louder portions of the tune. The result is just pure listening pleasure, without any sudden ups and downs. The song gets louder, but you never feel obliged to reduce the volume. I'm guessing this is how people end up with damaged hearing. They just...turn it up. Way, wayy up.

While I continue to adore the headphones, I think my earpiece still matches up to it pretty fairly, so i'll just stick to it for now. I just don't get that much of the really nice bass anymore. Oh yeah, and, of course, no maximum volume. That would give me an ear orgasm or some sort. (not literally, but you get my drift.)

Days have been passing, and while I may not have been this happy in 2 years, this has got to be most meaningless school term that i've ever been through. I just...

Don't get me wrong, I'm happy where I am. Problem is, I feel as if there's something missing. There's a certain amount of depth to everything that happened previously in my life, and I miss that. Everything has become so shallow all of a sudden. There's no depth, nothing to dive into anymore. It's just a day that passes, things happen, but nothing else beyond that. I find it increasingly difficult to describe each day that passes. It's just so....empty.

I'm finding it increasingly difficult to archive my life. There's nothing to archive. I've lost what I had inside of me. People around me are nice, but from another angle, they annoy the FUCK out of you. Oh, I don't use the F word on impulse. I may have been a little vulgar recently, and that's on purpose.

Something's been wrong with me recently. People almost annoy me. The most trivial of things put me off. I never do any work. I become judgmental. I act like a smartass. I crack the lamest of jokes ever. I don't keep my hands to myself, and never close my mouth. I'm not eating right either. I've also turned vulgar, out of my own hands. I fail to value everyday. I speak too fast, and too loud. I fail to value what I have, and the people I know. I hate it. I hate it all. I hate what i'm doing to myself. This isn't me. Ramesh isn't like this. Perhaps I just think and worry too much.

Will I ever find someone special? Will anyone ever understand me?

fuck it, scrape that. It isn't going to happen. I know it won't. Perhaps, it's time to take a step back. Then i'll be able to look at the picture as a whole. Life isn't all about moving forward, that's just a overrated saying.

Oh, and Siti thinks I looks like a girl. I can't imagine where that could have possibly have came from, but then agian, its Siti who thought up of this, so...ha! Nothing new heer ^___^

Ancherle had an interesting thought today. She was wondering what she was actually good at. Siti and Yen Chee both had taken art for their O levels, and were looking and discussing artwork. Personally, for me, my form of art would be Digital Art. 3D renders, website banners, etc etc. All this led Ancherle to think what was she actually good at. Hahaha, you'll never know. No one will. I'm betting she'd end up in the hospitality industry, but she'd like to beg to differ.

Another day. Happy, but meaningless. No depth. Still, that's no reason not to look and shape tomorrow into a better day. In any case, a happy day is what everyone would like. I wouldn't have it any other way. I just miss that certain amount of depth that used to me inside of me all the time. It's just gone.

Smiles!

you know, it's actually 5:50AM right now. I should be fast asleep, with my homework all done. But I can't. Sigh, i'm such a waste.

I still don't understand why I cried that day. It was for no apparent reason! does this mean i'm less emotionally strong? I thought my past failures and mistakes would have served me better in this context. I should stay strong.

That aside, I'm thinking why today turned out to become such a "horny day". Seriously!

...

is a "Mr. Niceguy" possible? or are all the nice guys are gone?

Friday was alot of fun. Hazirah is really funny. It's hard to put into words and explain exactly why, but if you talk to her, you'll know she's funny. Weiling is another funny girl. Like Ancherle said, "Weiling...only looks innocent. The mouth open ah..."

It may be werid, but at least Weiling's genuine, and far better of than girls who just act cute the entire day away. I mean, how do they live life like that.

That's what's nice about the people here. They may be different, but that's about it.

Pretty much spent the Friday away, after that gruesome POA lesson. I think i'm the slowest to do TPL accounts in class or something. Not good, and especially not good when under exam pressure. I should...think faster. Pending also, the final draft for COB's roleplay before we go live, and that cursed BSE project. Curse it, who does newspaper reviews these days anyway? Isn't the newspaper article a review on its own? LOL

Continuing with the Friday, I finally got to take a look into Daiso at IMM. I've heard lots about that store, ever since CapitaMall announced that they've managed to secure a Diaso store at IMM a few years back, and the bang-for-buck ratio you can get at that store. Daiso's a all-japanese store (seriously!), and it's all $2. I thought it would just be a japanese version of Valu$, but actually, no. Diaso had men's ties and leather belts...all for $2. Now that's to die for, because men's ties are always so freaking expensive. I could get a tie there using a day's allowance.

...

Hazirah's mistake with her words has got to be the funniest thing of the day. She mistook "Opponent" for "Component". Man, that was such a good laugh.

okay, I should stop slacking around. It's time to do some work!

oh, talking about work, here's the latest addition to my portfolio:

it's a blog for a club in my school, which I helped to make for my friends who are in the club. I'm not in the club, so, as far as this goes, this is just a addition to my portfolio.

Zephyre, the guy who made this montage, says that this movie was mostly a box office flop. He made this montage because, he thought the car scenes in this movie were cool. I have to agree here, I think the car scenes here are surprisingly good. Well, at least, it's miles better off than the crappy car scenes in the Fast&Furious movies.

Here's something else, which is bound to guarantee to you that hugging your pillow while watching a movie actually helps the overall watching experience:

life's been pretty much revolving around school, for the most part (hey, we are students). I wouldn't say school is entirely boring, but it's a mixed bag of beans. There are times, when waking out of bad feels so useless, because going to school feels useless. Not every time, but I do get that every now and then. Siti has told me, on several instances, of how she wanted to just skip school. I bet there's more from where that came from, because i'm sure we're not the only ones who feel this way. and no, Siti, things like these don't go unnoticed. Things like these don't go unnoticed, because people care about you.

Outside of school, things aren't half as dark. I may have landed myself a job at a Starbucks, so *crossses fingers* i'm hoping I can get in. I'll be turning 17 this year, and given the ridiculous amount of free time I have on my hands, I think it's time I actually did something for myself. I don't think it's....wise to just laze around at home (no, especially not here at the farm), and sit in front of the PC like a fat slob all day long. Thing is, ever since I got my O level results, and after coming to acceptance that I would end up in ITE, I knew I would have alot of free time, and i've been eyeing on jobs ever since. Now that I might have landed myself on one, it's all coming back. This might just be a sign of good things to come, a sign of my life finally getting back on the right track. It's complicated, but it sure does feel that way.

Ramesh, it's good to be back. I'm done with being sad. I may be emo, but Ramesh isn't a sad guy. You're free to argue, but you'd be wrong.

POA's Trading, Profit, and Loss accounts have been driving me up the wall recently. Whenever I get POA assignments dealing with these TPL accounts, I simply just switch off. Inside, I become a semi-mad man. I don't know why it feels like this, but it's been draining alot of my energy out of me. It gets better after i'm done with everything POA, but it takes time. Giant was right, Work isn't as daunting as soon as you start doing it.

I don't like how I get my POA's TPL accounts wrong most of the time. It drives me nuts. Maybe it's because I don't want to fail academically anymore, like how I just threw my O levels away. Strange thing is, i've never had such a strong drive to actually get something right.

Never, ever, ever.

Self-motivation in action? I don't know, maybe I should talk to Chelsea about this, she'll know something for sure.

This drive I get, when I go mad over the TPL accounts, has driven me to do things which I don't mean. I tend to reply a little rudely, when someone throws me a question regarding TPL accounts, especially when i'm confused with my own TPL account question which I have at hand. With a violent tone in my reply, I replied to Siti that Rent Received was revenue, because it was recorded in the credit column in the Trial Balance, and should be added into the gross profit value. I would find out later that Siti mistook my heavy concentration on the TPL accounts and violent replies as Arrogance. I didn't say much back to her, mainly because I don't blame her, and what she said was fair. The drive I had to finish my TPL account correctly had driven me to do other things which people didn't like.

Maybe everything does actually happen for a reason. My past mistakes have served me well.

It isn't just me who hasn't been in the best mood this week. Siti seemed to be disturbed by something this entire week, she's done a few odd (but forgivable) things and nearly broke down on the train today. I may have been listening to Be Mine by Robyn on my MP3 player while witnessing this, but inside of me, it was all solemn. I know how it's like, to just break down there and there. It just isn't normal for someone to do that. Sigh, just like all happy people who smile on the outside all the time, these people might be just covering up some heavy burdens in their hearts. Like how I am sometimes. Things only began to change after 4 counselors for me.

Ancherle has been having more than just a few issues with her friend. We witnessed how things got pretty serious earlier on today, but to Ancherle, this is just another day, another problem. She said that "i've been giving in for three years already." I thought, if Ancherle has been giving in for 3 years, then why stop now (or even mention it, since it's 3 years old anyway)? Sigh, girls sometimes.

I wish I could really do something to help you guys, instead of typing all of these out. I know it isn't completely right, but I also know you guys are probably reading this. If you're reading this, I've got a bit i'd like to say. I really would like to say that staying happy is a difficult thing to do in today's world, and especially in a country like Singapore, where everything points to stress. Staying happy has become so difficult these days, i'll say that staying happy is actually important. Chelsea's told me this before, and i'll say this again: Life's too short to be anything but happy. There is little point in worrying, and you won't realize that, until you're happy. It's a viscous cycle.

Stuff like these made this week a little less brighter that what it was supposed to be. They both strongly feel that our class sucks, and it doesn't help.

I did come to a point, where I did think our class sucks to the core, but then COB's rehearsal came, and changed my mindset. I'm working with Averic for my role-play, a guy who mostly plays his life with his own set of rules, as even he would admit. All it took was a simple, open and authentic conversation with Averic, and I would get exchange a few words with people I haven't talked to in months, like Charmaine, Jojo, Faz, and even Razmeer. It reminded me of being in Secondary School again, where I wouldn't be in a clique, I would just be jumping around all over the place, having conversations with the most random of people, followed by even more random people. Looking at the class from this angle, the cliques in our class aren't as hostile as they appeared to be once. Only cliques appear hostile to other cliques in the class. Curious.

The previous post was a rant, and as far as me and this blog's original intentions are concerned, that wasn't exactly an update.

This is an update.

Striaght off the books, what Hazirah has done for us is really sweet. I don't care about the broken english at all...because out of everyone who have knowledge in photoshop (including me), this is the only photoshop work that i've seen, which is dedicated entirely to her friends. It just makes this poster that much more meaningful.

hmph, I should do something like this one day.

here's a huge thanks to her.

Remember about how I complained about Ms. Felina's model of teaching? I take it all back. Ms. Felina, like it or not, is our best OFA lecturer yet. Her model of teaching allows our class to multi-task like a pro! Seriously. People can be 2 assisgnments ahead, without having to feel that they're pulling wayy too forward compared to the rest of the class. This is the type of confidence Ms. Felina's model of teaching gives it's students. It's pretty darn good, especially for a subject such as OFA, where everyone can be all over the place. So far, its been excellent.

I've been reaching school late for this entire week. It's either the bus service being gay again, or its me, refusing to get out of bed on time, and take shorter baths. Most of the time, it's the latter. I should change that habit.

We learnt new stuf in POA. Trial Balance, and Trading accounts. Trial Balance was pretty fine, most of it. However, Trading accounts was a b1tch. I still haven't gotten the hang of it yet, and, look, homework galore for the weekends.

've been quite occupied with a BSE project we're supposed to do. Finding the right newspaper articles proved to be more of a challenge than we would've expect, but I think we should be just fine.

and when I say "we" from here on, i'm referring to our clique. It's funny how i've never, ever, ever, ever been in a clique in school before. I'm always jumping around from people to people. As such, i'd always had good relationships/contacts with most of the people, but not a good relationship/contanct with just 1 person. I'm not sure which is better, but both are fine if you know how to work things out and embrace.

Well, our class SC, is the most cliqued class yet that i've seen. It isn't bad, but hell, it's cliqued like crazy. Everytime, it's the same bunch of people together. The same bunch of people getting called out by teachers, and the same bunch of people who you can't speak enligsh to.

english? well yeah, ever since I came into this school, i've sufferred from language barriers in our class. Yet another reason on why I should pick up some chinese.

I still can't backtrack how our clique ended up as so, but here we are. It becomes obvious, especially after the holidays, that our class is pretty much settled. So, lo and behold, the cliques. I never really have been in a clique before, honestly. I may have once, but that was in sec4, and that was one hell of a year which I ruined for myself (yes, including a clique I might have been in, it was an indian clique). Anyway, with these nice bunch of people that i've come to known, I get along with them surprisingly well. I just wish there were more guys (i'm the only guy). I guess this is how ITE is like then. Ah well. Look on the bright side, at least it isn't as daunting as the guys at the back of the class can be sometimes. I'm not saying they're bad people, but most of the time, they just come across as unapproachable, especially when all of them are much older then me. There was once Raymond scared the shit out of me when he exclaimed the f word over a chair I was using in class. It was...kinda scary. (i'm such a paranoid little scaredy cat, wtf)

Oh, I really have to say, my results are, for once, a pleasant surprise (besides POA, where everyone who took the paper did well)

OFA: 88/100 (KC got 99!)

BSE: 40/50 (apparently 40's the highest in class, whatfux)

POA: 48/50 (everyone did well for this ^_^)

those are the written papers. We've still got some other stuff, like case studies, projects, and role-plays to be taken into account for the final result, so this isn't even the beginning. Here's hoping I can keep this pace up, because i'm a little worried for my COB role-play...and rehearsing a role-play is just retarded. Too bad, it just can't be helped. Now I gotta ask Averic for some time to rehearse on our own.

Perhaps it's immatuirity on my part, but whenever I look at life straight in the eye, it scares me. It scares me, how everything in my life would just simply boil down to how I am. Everything I've gotten myself into, every-single-thing, it's because of me, and what I did. Everything that I will become, would also boil down to just me. It's actually pretty heavy on it's own, added on to the stress of daily life (crappy music, crappy mum's food, crappy school, crappy class, crappy parents, crappy home, crappy computer, crappy etc etc).

The loneliness comes in there. Maybe it's just because my friends mean the world to me. I feel cheated sometimes, because I know a decent number of people, and to not any one of them, can I ever share something with. Its....confusing. It feels like being cheated. Absolutely a ridiculous thought, but that's how it really feels. They all come and go, no matter how much or little they meant. I know that's just life, and it simply has to go on, nothing can stop time, but it's scary.

These friends are here, but only in happier times. When you're sad, they magically disappear. You're here with them, but some end up in better positions then you later in life, and you'll be wondering how. How you were there the entire time, but you didn't make it, and he/she did. Some, don't end up in better places. There are some people who can't make it. They just couldn't.

It's like a cash-crunch position to be in when you feel for these people. Great for people who managed to make it further than you (when you couldn't), and too bad for those who couldn't make it (there's nothing you can do to help).

There are these people who are just blessed. They just have their lives and future laid out in front of them - for them. There are these people who have this strong sense of direction, which gives them the drive to push for whatever they want. This is self-motivation in action, but what about the people without this guiding? I think I fall under this category - it took me such a long time to know what life exactly is, and exactly, how scary it is once you've looked at it in the eye.

There are other thoughts. For instance, i'm overweight. Off the scales - literally. I've had thoughts of if or not i'd get those diseases that were mentioned as health risks of being obese. What if, what if, I grew up to become some unhealthy slob with diabetes, high-blood pressure, and other stuff? Who would I have to blame? I would only have to blame myself. It all just boils down to how I shape my life.

Friends can't help you with these, can they? that's why it feels lonely. Then again, it might just be me, because friends mean alot to me.

Ancherle was feeling rather upset over something today. Starting from when we were in the canteen, over a phone call, and expressed herself freely about how she felt over the issues she was facing. We get it, you're upset. She was speaking for a pretty long time on the phone, and I jokingly asked her to put it down, and have happier chat with us instead. Ancherle, she turned around, still on the phone, she told me that she had a listening ear, so she continued.

It may not have been noticeable at that point of time, but what she said genuinely had pierced through me, and stayed there. I wish I had a listening ear. The day before, I had a serious argument with my dad. I wish I had someone to talk to about how I felt about the whole argument. Hell, I don't even have a phone to begin with. I mean, my mood for the entire day was spoilt. I wasn't tired at all, I wasn't sleepy, and yet, I couldn't concentrate on POA's lesson. I slept instead. I couldn't concentrate even in OFA, where I barely scraped through finishing just one Excel assignment. I wish I could tell someone, how heavy it was all in my head. I know it shouldn't affect me, and especially not jeopardize my studies (no, not this time again), but it did. It was pretty heavy in my head, and more than ever, I couldn't manage it on my own. As a matter of fact, It affected my behavior for the whole day. I couldn't deal with it, and I didn't like it. And, I get angry at myself once again.

up till the point we got off the bus, she was still on the phone.

I'm sick and tired of having to bottle up every single misery I've gone through. So many of the people around me have listening ears, or at least, someone. I have nothing. Why? Is it because i'm weird? i'm a loser? i'm a failure? I look bad? If so, why hasn't anyone told me this? It makes me angry at myself, more than anything. Ranting here on my blog doesn't really help much. I need an actual human's understanding sometimes. I need this far less frequently than what I've been through in secondary school, but sometimes, just sometimes....I do. Someone, anyone.

It may be a world of friends, but it's a evil world.

a day before or so, I was telling Hazirah how I was actually looking forward to school. I've always liked school, actually. It's better than home (for me). Hazirah thinks otherwise. I don't blame her, and that's how majority of the people in my school too. This first day of school resuming after the holidays, proves why these people think so.

I was rather enthusiastic, that school has resumed. At least, everything's back to schedule. I reached class, walked to seat, and sat down. Only then I realized that my enthusiasm was completely killed already, even before the lesson's commencment. I was in front of the PC in the lab, and I was just stoning there. I found myself to be quiet. I've always liked school mainly because of one simple reason - there are people around, and people to talk to. But this wasn't the case here, I came to class, and, just stoned there. Nothing else, literally.

after COB lesson, it was POA. My POA was kinda rusty after the holidays, because I didn't bother re-capping on my own. I was a little confused here and there, but it was still manageble. It was funny arguing over and over again over a transaction, if or not it was supposed to be recorded as Debit or Credit. Ms Cynthia struggled to teach our class, and alast, she said it. Remember how I said in another post, that there could be a tipping point for our lecturers one day, and they would just give up? yeah, I was right the entire time, because that's exactly what is happening here.

She quietly said to us in the front row, that she didn't care about the class anymore. You can't really blame her, I mean, my class is rather screwed up. The bunch of people at the back are screwed up. Ah well, at least us in the front row still get to learn. Hopefully, that would be good enough.

In other news, Jia Hao chooses to continue provoking Mr. Chow. This guy's really asking for it.

OFA was okay, I guess. At least, it wasn't as quiet as COB, or overly-noisy as POA. Ms Felina's our new teacher, and she ain't too bad. Thing is, I don't exactly like her model of teaching. I'm not sure if it works. Ah well, it IS a fair trade anyway. If you were to pay attention to her, you'd still learn as per normal. Other than that, Ms Felina is probably our best OFA lecturer yet, she is pretty good at putting things across, in a understandable way.

When happened after school was more interesting than school itself. We went to the town area (in ITE uniform lolwut), because Ancherle wanted to get something at HMV. Siti was with us, too. Walked around, and got this pr0 ice-cream at the basement of Takashimaya. Or was it Wisma Atria's basement? gaaah I dunno

Siti wanted to go to Mustafa (in ITE school uniform lolwut). Siti hasn't been there yet, so she was curious what Mustafa was like. This is, it was 7.30PM already. Ancherle was liek

[ahem] Mustafa is 24hrs hor..

and I was liek

[ahem] my last bus home is 11PM hor...

We were actually heading there already, but then Ancherle's friend called her up, and...her friend happened, just happened, to be at the same MRT station as us, Dhoby Ghaut. So Ancherle and her friend met up. Not knowing what exactly to do at our current position, we ended up boarding a train to Marina Bay on impulse. Ancherle and her friend alighted at the next station, because they wanted to go to...the Esplanade? yeah

Siti and I remained on the train, and we headed to Marina Bay, and "bounced back" towards woodlands. She wanted to get seats on the train, because boarding from Dhoby Ghaut towards woodlands would probably just leave us to stand for the entire journey arrrr.

Siti and I had thing really nice and loooong conversation, as the train went from Marina Bay to Yishun. This retarded train needed to terminate at Yishun, so we alighted there, and got unto another train, where Siti would get off at Admiralty once again, and I would get off at Chua Chu Kang.

I reached home at 9.00PM or so. Unbelievably, my mum didn't ask me why I was late.

but point be made: school IS, in fact, boring as hell. I shouldn't be labelling stuff like these with stuff like these, but it's actually rather true. But, why did I find CCKSS not as boring? I sure as hell didn't go to Dhoby Ghaut with any of my classmates back then.

Curious.

EDIT: also, for those of you blogger n00bs who wonder where your pictures go to when you upload them unto blogger, here you go:

every single picture you've uploaded unto blogger goes into your very own web album, picasa web albums. Just sign in there with the same account you use for your blogger, and you'll see every single picture that you've uploaded unto blogger, in there.

Every single one of them.

Have fun.

...One day at a time.

/craptime

After 2 years of windows vista, I finally decided that I was bored with the default theme, and customized. I really like how it looks now:

see that arrow on the taskbar at the quick launch area, beside the start button? 'is magic!

Ta-da! It comes in handy sometimes. Helps to get rid of some clutter, too.

I watched Flashdance, a movie from the 80's I think. Ancherle told me about this movie. The songs in this movie is nice. While "I WANNA DANCE!!1" movies are usually lame, Flashdance wasn't. For such a frickin' old movie, it was pretty darn good. But be warned, it's adult-ish, complete with intimate romance and vulgarities galore. I'm guessing this movie was rated M18 or something, but who the hell gives a damn about movie ratings these days.

it's rather iconic, everytime you see her cycle to everywhere she goes. You're constantly reminded that she just wants to live simple and happy, something which is far and in between among most people today.

Mostly, she's the clam, patient, quiet kind of person in the movie, making this movie mostly quiet and cozy inside, except for the dancing bits. This movie has a good mix of the dancing and storyline fitted together.

But usually, when the quiet person blows up, it makes an impact. A big impact. She starts smoking, and spews vulgarities on impusle.

It's stuff like these that stops you from dozing off halfway through the movie. Haha. The last "dancing movie" I watched was Step Up 2. It was kinda bad, with the exception of the dancing itself. Personally, I enjoyed Flashdance alot better.

...also watched over the hedge, for I have a huge fetish for animated movies.

she's so adorable. This movie is kinda uderrated, I like it alot.

talking about underrated, I think Transformers 2 is probably underrated too. I mean, its been labeled as the "worst reviewed $400 million hit". but then, it's by Micheal Bay. He doesn't aim to please critics. Maybe it is a bad movie.