quite alot has happened since, but I can't exactly recall everything. At least, not right now. However, among the major ones, was a class trip to the Marina Barrage.

pretty place. I never knew Singapore had come such a long way in such a short time. I've been living in this (stupid) farm, and fuck. I've been missing out so much.

To tell the truth, Singapore has changed. It still is changing, and, it's a blessing to live here. Even if you were to be on a farm.

My class is becoming increasingly fragmented, and not forgetting to mention, noisier. There're bunches of people here and there (cliques?), and the typical guys at the back of every class. Some who don't have the studying attitude, and some, just want to crack jokes and have a little bit of harmless fun for that day. Of course, this all results in noise pollution in the process. Nothing new.

It can get pretty annoying sometimes. They don't pay attention, and when suddenly have an outburst of attention span (lol godsend), they cut the teacher off with some lame question. The question is lame, because, if they paid attention, they wouldn't have to ask that dope question at all. But that isn't all. After the teacher explains everything to them exclusively, they go back into their own world. Plus, they're the ones asking for breaks and early lunches.

Where has the humility from today's people gone to?

I pity the lecturers sometimes. They're a nice bunch, honest. Today's COB lesson had terrible attendance, and terrible role-play presentations. Few were paying actual attention, and everything else blahblahblah. I was pretty fortunate to be seated beside Jacinthe for today, because she really helped, in a way, to follow the lesson to an extent. But still, the lesson was horrible overall. Sigh, the pupils shape the school.

I pitied Mr. Chin, as he was talking to the walls, rather than the class. From the front row, each time I turn behind, its a horrible sight. Turning back, Mr. Chin is still talking, facing the very same sight I thought was horrible. I've got no idea how, but Mr. Chin is a remarkably composed guy, for a lecturer teaching noisy classes. After assigning us work, he sat in front of us (we were at the front row). He said he was always happy. It's rare to see people like him these days. People, who's lives are not driven by brain, but by what they have in their hearts. I've tried to cultivate that for myself, but doing so is difficult. Very. However, Mr. Chin here, has done just that. Here's my salutations for 'im.

I've been reading Zhi Min's blog for quite a bit now. I really have to say, his blog carries a remarkable amount of depth with it, in every single post. I've always wondered if my blogposts carry -at least- a respectable amount of depth with it. Looking back at the previous posts, I wouldn't really say so. I'd say the deepest entry I ever wrote was this. I nearly wept in front of the computer while typing that out. I've lost that bit of depth since, but maybe that's just the way things were meant to be. Maybe i'm just done and over with feeling deep and down about things. Maybe i'm just done with it, over, and through. I'm in ITE now, I see this as a second chance. I see this as a change, and change will therefore take place. That's just that way things are now.

See, near half of the people in my class are working, supporting themselves, some balancing a O level retake, some who have lost a parent, either to nature's call, or to a series of unfortunate events. Some are taking their driving tests, and so on. These people, are just a few years older than me. I don't want to feel down, there are things to do. Nothing ever goes for me when i'm feeling down anyway. These things, that require you to really get off your chair. Like, really. What's the point of feeling deep, when there's all these things around? It's just time to get up, and do something. Anything.

Maybe the reason I don't feel down and deep, is because I chose not to. I see feeling sad, down, deep, depressed as a weakness now. I don't want to go there anymore. In fact, i've learnt the hard way. I've been there, and done that. I'm just through. I've seen for myself, how happiness in our lives have been taken for granted over and over again, countless of times. I've seen, how happiness is important in so many ways, how it's able to just convert everyday life into bliss everyday. It's just a matter of looking at the sunny side. There's 2 sides to everything in this world, and keeping the sunny side up, is just taken for granted.

I could feel down if I chose to. I can always chose not to look at the sunny side of things, and unleash something so deep, it would actually scare people away. I could always chose to dwell on how I hate living on a farm, how my Father is seemingly the #1 idiot in my life, how my computer just refuses to work the way it used to, how I didn't end up in poly, wasted 2008 away, and how I screwed up my life. Poly students get a notebook, don't have to wear uniform, and other things. I should have been there, but I screwed it up for myself. I could always just sit down, and cry over these for hours. I mean, I've always wished I could wear some nice Apparels from Billabong together with some nice, expensive shoes from Converse. Oh, and how about a actual decent haircut for myself? But truth be told, I never have had any branded stuff before (unless my ZEN counts). I've also wished that I wasn't obese from young, or maybe, was a better-looking guy. How about a girlfriend? Sure, having one will be nice. It would help me emotionally, too. I mean, what is happiness without being able to share it with someone? Majority of the guys my age have been attached before, or are attached currently. I wish I didn't get a grand total of $3 per day for pocket money, when other people write on their blogs that they were going to "try to survive with $4 a day".

I could always, chose to look at life as "sucky" and feel down about it. I may not be able to enjoy and experience what other people get to, but that's okay! I am what I am, and embrace it I shall. My dad may be one hell of a idiot, but still, everything parents do, is for us. He left home at 9PM to deliver a milk order to a restaurant. Does any other dad in Singapore do that? no. I may not have ever laid my hands on any sort of branded good of any sort before, but so what? I mean, what don't I have? All I seek for is a good heart, and that is all I need to carry on. Yeah, it stinks to get just $3 per day, but hey, i'm still living with it. That's far cooler than people who complain about how $10 per day isn't enough for them. Give me a break.

Material needs are just temporary, and can only go to a certain extent. Everything is temporary. Even our lives are temporary.

Me and my mum have been talking alot recently. I don't know why, but my Mum and I have alot of chemistry. Maybe it's in our blood, but really, I have alot more chemistry with my Mum, as compared to my other 2 siblings. This, i'm proud to say. My Mum may be a woman from a village from inda, but she today understands English perfect, and more importantly, understands me. Reaching this stage from a village in India isn't a everyday thing. Sure, we have our communication breakdowns here and there, but hey, what doesn't kill us, only makes us stronger.

Ever since I started school, started a fresh, I feel that i've managed to pick myself up. This wouldn't have been possible if I didn't listen to my mum; it was her advice. Her advice was not to repeat sec4, but to go to ITE instead. My mum knew I wouldn't make it, and looking at the way things are now, i'm pretty sure of everything just working out in the end. I'm confident of scoring well here, and from here, i'll reach places. Even places out of my reach, will come within my grasp.

Listening to my mum's advice was the first step in the correct direction after how I screwed up my life in 2008. It really was. It's about time I return what I owe my mum.

As for my dad, the only time we really talk is when we argue. My dad asks us (me and my siblings) to listen to him, but I think he talks crap all the time. He says, children who don't listen to their parents will never make it anywhere in their lives. I know what he means, because if I refused to listen to my mum, and repeated sec4, my emotional state would still require help, and i'd be seeing 3 counselors in a year again. But still, although I know what he means, he still talks crap all the time. He's just a slob drowned in his own pride. I know I shouldn't be saying this, but whatever. My family just lacks communication, and I blame it on my dad. My dad doesn't do parenting at all, he always asks people to listen to him, or just shut the hell up. Other than that, he just orders people around. The next time we would actually utter words to each other's face would be in another argument.

BSE mock test tomorrow. Well, thank god the first one is a open-book one. Still, i'm kinda half-screwed. BSE's full of content. It's like geography in secondary school, just without those annoying essay questions. Yay!(?)

Wei Ling has put nicely into words, how secondary school was:

I do feel the same. I do miss secondary school alot, those were the best days of our lives. Zhi Min, too has said in his blog that, when he met up with HY, it was just a catch up session, and not a pour-your-heart-out kinda thing. It's sad, but moving on is important. Important. That's the drive people have to move on. If there's something I disagree, it's that time isn't on our side. We just have more control over our time now, which is why it doesn't seem to be on our side. That is to say, in secondary school, our entire day was planned and printed out on paper FOR US. That was why we got to have lots of time with each other. We didn't even have to care about time. Yeah, I miss that carefreeness. But still, having control over your own time isn't a bad thing at all. Rather, it's secure (for yourself). Anyway, what's there to be sad about? growing up is normal. We can all still stay young at heart. That's what i'd do. My nephew is my inspiration for that, he's a young-at-heart dude.

RESPECT IS MUTUAL, BABY

Post-script: this is the 30th post, since I started this blog. Most of these posts are long ones, so you can proudly say that, if you've been following this blog since the start...

this blog may have well over 60 blogposts worth of content. I so happy

Modern Warfare 2!!!

Is that even me? am I supposed to talk like that?

Sometimes, I wonder if i'm still that half-arsed guy I was when I made all those countless and crucial mistakes which derailed my entire life. To tell the truth, in many instances, still feel like i'm that big-mouthed idiot who is unable to express himself vividly enough in words or verbal communication. My mum has told me that I can't talk properly, and sometimes, I can't help but to agree. I say things I don't mean, I just do it. I don't use my brains enough before doing something, I just follow what my heart says, and without me knowing, I start to blahblahblah. Maybe I need to start writing my diary again -it will help me reflect on myself better.

I still have problems letting go of my pride at times, and really caring about what other people's thoughts are. After such a dramatic year of 2008, I've realized how hard staying happy was, and in my pursuit of getting this happiness back, I make a fool out of myself. If I do stupid things and ward people away when i'm happy, then I may just be better off the way I was. Hurt. At least, that way, i'd know the meaning of how it would be like to really really value something. That way, I can feel and relate to other people when they're feeling down.

There are countless number of things I appreciate. Wait, let me rephrase that.

There are countless number of things that I wish I knew how to show my appreciation for. There are things and people that I like so much, but I just don't know what to say to convey that my thought. Here I go again, unable to put myself into words once again. It's a struggle, sometimes, when I talk too fast even for myself to catchup with my own thinking. I just end up stuttering. It's as if I were talking nonsense the entire time, because I didn't manage to backup what I said with what I felt.

Maybe it's because i'm not really good at English. Sure, whatever I type here on welcome2thesocial sounds nicely put, but this isn't a accurate reflection of what my proefficeincy in English really is. More than anything, my writing language has been influenced by tech reviews I read and forums I visit online. It sounds nice, but it really isn't all that great. If it was that great, I wouldn't have problems expressing myself.

Our school had a questionnaire today, which was designed to generate a value-based profile for each one of us at ITE. Here's my results:

It's interesting, how i'm a Relations person, but not a Control person. I score kinda fair in both Thought and Work, altough Exposition (wtf is that?) is sticking out like some extra. It's good to know that I do good work, but i'm not a hard worker.

This beats the hell outta those Facebook quizzes.

I still feel like i'm still that idiot that I hate. For now, I gotta go to bed.

Sorry guys, especially for this rather unpleasant post.

Tomorrow will be a better day.

this world needs alot more love. People need to relax, lay off the coffee, and instead of smelling how good the coffee is, people should rather smell how good everything is around them, and how blessed all of us are, no matter how our lives may seem inferior to our peers.

...o-kay, where did that come from?

...it starts to pour, all of a sudden, with no warning. Seriously, I left my home with the sun in my face, and when I got to Clementi MRT station, the wind was howling, the floor was slippery, my hair was messed up, and well, it was pouring once again. I purposely left my unbrella at home, because on that day, I would like to have thought it wasn't going to rain. But it happened. And I left my umbrella at home, with the romantic notion of how it was going to be a fine day.

I took a bus from the station to the campus, and waited at the bus stop for the rain to die down. As it died down, Safiquah (is that how you spel?) alighted from one of the buses, and we both just walked to OFA lesson. We were late, but Ms. Mahani understood. That's one nice thing about the lecturers here -they're fair in a real-world kind of way.

Friday's POA lesson was the day we would have our second POA test, on Ledger Accounts. This too, I was pretty confident of, until Deja Vu striked: I was dumbfounded by the first question again. It was to calculate the capital of the proprietor. Many of the classmates started throwing questions at Ms Cynthiya, because the paper we got was rather unfamiliar, and some transactions were just pain foreign. We hadn't been thought on how to deal with them yet. More questions were thrown, and Ms Cynthiya stood up, started waving her left hand in the air, and said:

"You know what? I think all of you will fail this test..."

"okay, no more...no test...this test is cancelled. As of now, this test is formally cancelled!"

It was after she explained how to calculate the capital with the accounting equation I finally saw the picture. But still, the test paper we got, was still very deviated from what we have been doing thus far. It was just wayy too foreign; the first transaction was unheard of.

We were given some time to discuss with our classmates and to digest what exactly was expected of the test's questions. Some people said they wanted to give up, because they didn't understand. I would have love to just ignore this test as a whole after the cancellation, but Ms Cynthiya said this was how our CA paper was going to be like. And that CA paper is 20% of our grade for this module. I understand what the test was about now, but for people who still can't...don't give up! (yes Hazirah, it's you!) It's simple understanding, and once that's down -application is ez.

POA ended earlier than usual, as Ms Cynthia didn't want to teach anything new, she just wanted to conduct that test. So, we were dismissed at around 12.30PM. I got a call from the Entreprenuer's club yesterday evening about a orientation that was going to be held at 1PM on Friday. So, I had my lunch, and reported to the venue.

No one else from my class, SC, joined this club. I don't really get why, but anyway, I was interested in it, and so I chose it. After we went up to the ETP's room (which is kinda cozy actually), I realized that majority of the people in the club were girls, and I was the only guy to join straight from a higher Nitech course. So, this bunch of girls, all of them from the Hospitality course (gee, didn't we all see that one coming?). It was kinda...paiseh, in a way, to talk to more girls than guys during the orientation, but I got along. Hospitality was my first choice, and out of curiosity, I ask one of the girls, how many guys were there in their class.

"6!"

...

thank god I didn't end up in there.

each one of these girls gave themselves nicknames of some sort, and all of these girls, gave themselves a guy's nickname, and actually wanted to be addressed by it. These names included names like Raymond, Allan, Taufik, and even Joseph. "Joseph" is the same age as me! (majority of the people I know in school are older)

I must have been shy or something, because I got quiet towards the end of the orientation. I didn't know why.

But still, overall, i'd the the club, they are definitely the welcoming kind. Too bad it's dominated by girls. Funny, i've always looked at business/entrepreneurship as a guy's thing (ever looked at New York?). Still, I would have preferred to just go home after Friday's morning school. We were dismissed at around 4PM.

and now...

...

....

for the BIG news (for me anyway).

.....

Linkin Park is releasing a new song!!!!!!!11one

the new song, "New Divide", will premiere worldwide on radio stations on May 18. It will be available on iTunes on the very day too.

this new song, "New Divide", is the theme song and lead single for the upcoming movie Transformers: Revenge Of the Fallen.

and if you haven't seen the trailer yet, you should. The visuals in this film are going to be simply amazing. I've always wondered who Hollywood does these kool stuf lol

The robots are hot, the explosions, the animation, visuals, Megan fox is hot, the soundtrack, the battles, the yellow chevy that bumblebee transforms into is hot, the...god, this movie is hot. The first one was very good, i'm watching this one too. A must watch for the year.

SHIIIT Micheal Bay and Stephen Spielberg, y are you guys so pro omgg

but it's just a coincidence. I doubt i'll ever happen to download a bunch of trash-trax together. But still, it's pretty awesome. They work wonders for me, especially on the MRT. It was raining like crazy on Wednesday, and damn. The "trash trax" were seeeerious compliment to the entire journey.

It's what I like about music. Add rhythm, pace, tempo, energy, or anything that has something to do with music into a bit of what of do everyday. It will help make it alot more enjoyable.

Alright, so this weekend is a long weekend. Friday was a holiday, labour day. It wouldn't have made much of a difference if there was college on Friday anyway, I only have morning school on Fridays;

The long weekend was...okay. Caught up with ZM, Ken, and CS. ZM already looked hooked unto NFS Most Wanted as I reached CS's place. I can't remember exactly how we spent the day, but but was mostly co-operative playing, and that's it. Ken had a screwed up Lenovo ThinkPad for a Notebook, and poor Ken. He has Mac envy, he envies CS's MacBook pro.

Saturday was supposedly a movie with 2/7, but it got cancelled because everyone, all of a sudden, had something on (gee, didn't we all see that one coming?). Seriously, everyone these days claims to be busy, even if they're just involved with the smallest of things. It's just stupid, way too few people have actual time for each other. It's such a cold place.

ZM said he wanted to go over to CS's place (yes, again) to play. I thought it would be nice, and I went over. We talked about all sorts of things. It got particularly interesting at one point, I said the people in my school were nice, and that the people here were very neutral. ZM said these people think too little, and that's why people like these will never be able to do politics. CS added on, he said people like this may be nice, but will just get boring over time.

To be honest, i'd prefer if everyone stayed this way. At least no one holds any grudges on anyone of any sort, at least there's care. But then again, they might get boring, and again, they can't do politics -there just isn't a opinion strong enough to trigger anything at all.

but then again.

It's godsend that none of our lecturers have given us any homework of any sort, which is surprising, because, in secondary AND primary school, teachers always took advantage of holidays. Always. Ah well. So, we've got this newspaper article thing we have to do for BSE. But the deadline is next term!

The was a POA test, which I was pretty confident of, until I was dumbfounded by the first question: the accounting equation. Unbelievably, I forgot my accounting equation. On the bright side, I could do everything else. Lesson learnt: there's nothing like revision. That in mind, there's another test coming up, about Ledger accounts. It isn't bad at all, but really, it's something the class dreads as a whole. Not sure if what i'm saying is well-expressed through these words, but hopefully people get my drift. I lack the ability to put myself into word at the most crucial times, which is why I can never win an argument with my siblings. I feel so stupid all the time.

Mr. Chin said that it's a good effort to make everyday your best. Look into the mirror, say "today is going to be a great day!", put on a smile, and start your day off right. It did make sense, at CCKSS, whenever I was feeling down and heartbroken inside, I could always count on what's outside: the smile which made me feel so much better everyday. So what if we're pretending to be happpy? It's better than a sulky face that wards off people anyway. Like what Mr. Chin said, emotions spread. We're all human, we can understand each other (unless of course, you aren't human). Happiness can spread, anger can spread, and negativity too can spread. Thing is, negativity spreads faster than anything else. Happiness is just taken for granted all the time, being happy is said to be normal. Truth is, it isn't staying happy just isn't as easy as it sounds, as people become more dynamic, and people are under pressure all the time, living up to this and that, commitments, responsibilities, planning every single move, blahblahblah. Where's the happiness in that? There's satisfaction, but no happiness. Satisfaction=/=Happiness, just like how Simple=/=Easy, and how Feedback=/=Complaining, etc etc. These little things do matter, and they have whole different meanings to them.

That leads us to being optimistic, rather than pessimistic. Well, so be it. Being optimistic isn't a bad thing at all, it can help in so many ways pessimism can't.

i'll figure this out, one day. I've got to go sleep, maybe i'll continue talking about this in my next post.