Dear Blog,

Crap dude, presentation’s tomorrow. And with that, a POA 3-column cash book test, too. Stress? not really. I clearly remember Mr. Low’s famous line from back in Primary school, and I think that is for a reason.

“there’s no such thing as Stress lah, where got?”
”It’s PRESSURE!”

The presentation, from my angle, isn’t going to crash as hard I think it was. I don’t know how the others are going to do, but we’re being graded as a group, so just because of that reason, it matters. Shafiqa says she’s got these...cards prepared for us. I’ve been thinking up my own pointers for the slides i’m presenting, but i’m hoping Shafiqa’s expectations with her...cards doesn’t ruin my own pointers for myself.

So, basically, i’m being told what to do. Again. Remember when I told you about my group not having Synergy? this is exactly what I meant.

Well, at the rate of which the project was going, i’m a little glad Shafiqa took became a little authoritative over stuff, with initiative of course. So, props to her, but shit, I don’t think that’s not how a group project’s supposed to be working out in the first place. I dunno, I may be wrong. Screw it, I blame it partially on Mr. Chin who didn’t draw up proper parameters for this project. WHERES THE PROJECT MODEL DAMMIT LOL

Oh god, I hope a lecturer of mine isn’t reading this blog. Ms. Cynthiya once told me she reads my blog, and Mr. Chow knows our Facebook status updates (including mine, which is why he knew my holidays sucked). Hahaha, damn these lecturers are cool.

Of course, if I thank Shafiqa for this, then i’ll have to be fair, and give credit to the rest. So, Siti, thank you for all of the paperwork you’ve done for the project (yes, we all know you ain’t exactly tech-savvy ^_^), and huge thanks to Hazirah for pretty much solo-ing most of the post-event on her own.

I’ve yet to see those fake result statistics we’re supposed to do, though, but i’m sure it’s in.

As for me, I think I worked quite alot on...design. Which is weird, I think. But I just realized: I didn’t exactly do one thing for the group, I was kinda all over the place. Was this a result of me being told what to do? Or was it me just being an idiot in the group? I’ll never know. But anyway, I did the flyer, banner, Financial Budgeting, and for some reason, the slides. Shafiqa told me it’s because I was the only one with Office 2007 (fail technological barrier), so I ended up doing the slides. Shafiqa pretty much took over the slides though, when she got her copy of Office 2007 up and running on her rather small Netbook.

but whatever the case, I stand by what I said: its do or die.

it’s time to…
WITNESS THE CRAPTACULARNESS OF MAH’ DESIGN LULz

first, full fledged iteration of the flyer. Notice the “blahblahblah”? yeah,...our group didn’t manage on settling on a event name even after the concept for the flyer was fully realized. But then again, damn this project, we were not given enough time.

but anyway:

 
the text at the bottom was made darker, mainly because of printing reasons.

as with the banner, lol: 
I fail @ spelling. Read: fortcanng.

these were supposed to appeal to both the young and <ahem> young at heart, but...ah well. I think they’re pretty decent for something rushed in a couple of days.

 
A simple ticket mockup I did. Nothing much, but hey, it’s a mockup, and it does its job. Shafiqa’s modified it since.

 
Derived text-based logo for the event. Of course, it would look a ton better on a white background.

...and here’s the even logo. Lol. Well, this too, would look better on a white background, of course.

and bloggie, if you’re wondering what “blahblahblah” was inspired by, it was this:
 
Yep.

and if you’re wondering where THAT was from, then,
 
hohoho, it’s another internet joke!

(apparently there are people out there who absolutely HATE amazon.com)

however, if you’re wondering what the star, the bright yellow colors, and the rest was inspired by, i’d have to say it was probably Siti. She likes that star =).

What Zhi Min told me yesterday set me thinking, something which the Today newspaper couldn’t do.(I’d bet half of the people reading this right now wouldn’t be able to get that joke, because i’m just too lame. No one found the funny pictures I posted funny anyway. Ah well, bloggie, i’m sure you get the joke. Wait, you do…right?)

end /b/

anyway, what Zhi Min told me yesterday did set me thinking. I mean, yeah, he did come off as a egoist overall, and what else, he’s a SAJC student. What i’m pointing at is not that though, i’m pointing at some points he made. He made several points, some of which just crushed my morale (more than it already is), some which made me angry, some which made me feel sad, lousy, disappointed in myself, a failure, blah blah blah.

but some of his points, were valid.

I mean, what if I really am turning into this half-arsed idiot in ITE? I’ve seen people doing work in poly, it isn’t easy. In fact, its about the same level as Secondary school. I was stressed in secondary school, I couldn’t handle it. I may have just been immature, not to understand the gravity of ‘O’ levels. Now that i’ve hit rock bottom, it’s do or die. Like he said, if I fail here,

i’ve failed what i’ve wanted to do since day one.

I understand and realize the gravity of the situation I am in, I really do. But what if, what if it’s alot more serious than what i’m seeing? I mean, the lecturers here have told us, Poly’s just the beginning. What if I make it Poly, and break down there? That isn’t any better. And i’ve seen poly work before.

It. Is. Not. Easy.

I’ve opened my eyes, it was all presented to me, from my transition from secondary school express to ITE. It was all laid down in front of me, right before my very eyes. I know, I’ve seen, I realize, I understand. But then, why am I still that immature idiot from secondary school? why am I so embarrassed to look at myself in the mirror? have I changed? I don’t think so. After all that’s happened in my life, I should have that burning fire inside of me, that fire which burns so hard, it would propel me to do anything. Anything, anything at all, to get out of where I am right now, and go back to the place where I should have been all along, A Polytechnic, something I should have been capable of 2 years back. But no, this fire I had when I entered my school, it has subsided since. What am I being constantly plagued by? Friends? Family? What is it? What about those “Emotional attachments” which Zhi Min says I might have picked up? Whatever it is, i’m going after it.

What Zhi Min said about JC, made even more sense (indirectly), when I was reading Chelsea’s blog.

I screwed up my life, bloggie. I really did. Today, Mum told me I was lazy. She said I should go to the gym, or do something else. You know what? I should.

I remember everything that was presented to me, when I entered ITE. Right from ‘O’ level results day, to the first day of school here. It all happened in front of me, right before my very fucking eyes. I know. Bloggie, you were here, I shedded tears for hours and hours. This isn’t even a course of my choice, and yet, i’ve accepted it. Why does everything that’s been worked for, has to go to waste like this? Why do I accept life being unfair to me?

Tomorrow, I start a new day.

Word out,
Ramesh