today was a nice day. Mostly slack (again), but it was good. I'm sitting in front of my PC with the intention of finishing up my POA and BSE homeworks, but crap, i'm just playing my own mind games again.

So Ancherle got this nice pair of headphones. Not only are they nice, but, the design scores really high too.

Listening to music on that, is like being on music drugs or something. It's that good. I'd die for one, but the more optimistic side of me halts that thought. The catch? i'd probably look like a retard with them on all the time. Especially when i'm on the MRT or something.

oh HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Wait, why am I laughing at myself? OKAY MOVING ON

but still. Music drugs. Seerious music immersion.

I never looked at headphones as some very practical in the first place, actually. I guess I wasn't the only one, because today, we've got all sorts of downplayed versions of the original headphone's design. Clip-ons and such. There're so many of them out there, I didn't bother looking into any of them, until I came across this pair that belongs to Ancherle. She's been nice, letting me use them every now and then. I just find it that much addictive.

I guess another reason on why I never looked into headphones is because I didn't want my hearing ability to detoriate. It's a known fact: playing loud music through your headphones can damage your hearing faster than through earpieces. I play my music loud most of the time, so....yeah. It's pretty scary, actually. I was playing music at the maximum volume with Ancherle's headphones on, and I didn't even look at reducing the volume. I've never played music at maximum volume on my earpiece. With Ancherle's headphones, I never manage to realize how loud the music i'm playing is, until I actually take the headphones off, and adjacent people manage to hear music playing through the headphones, even from a distance.

I mean, maximum volume, and I still nod my head to the beat.

Bass has a way of leveling off the louder portions of a tune, making the song sound alot less louder than what is supposedly is. Which is perhaps why, even at the maximum volume, I didn't feel obliged to reduce the volume. I didn't even experience any form of hearing discomfort. With earpieces, i'd Scream Out Lol (SOL) if I was forces to listen to a song at max volume. This happens at home, too. My PC's speakers have pretty strong bass, and over time, I just keep increasing the volume, without realizing how loud it actually is. That is, until my mum steps in to nag at me. I never realize exactly how loud my music is, and it's because the bass somehow manages to level off all the louder portions of the tune. The result is just pure listening pleasure, without any sudden ups and downs. The song gets louder, but you never feel obliged to reduce the volume. I'm guessing this is how people end up with damaged hearing. They just...turn it up. Way, wayy up.

While I continue to adore the headphones, I think my earpiece still matches up to it pretty fairly, so i'll just stick to it for now. I just don't get that much of the really nice bass anymore. Oh yeah, and, of course, no maximum volume. That would give me an ear orgasm or some sort. (not literally, but you get my drift.)

Days have been passing, and while I may not have been this happy in 2 years, this has got to be most meaningless school term that i've ever been through. I just...

Don't get me wrong, I'm happy where I am. Problem is, I feel as if there's something missing. There's a certain amount of depth to everything that happened previously in my life, and I miss that. Everything has become so shallow all of a sudden. There's no depth, nothing to dive into anymore. It's just a day that passes, things happen, but nothing else beyond that. I find it increasingly difficult to describe each day that passes. It's just so....empty.

I'm finding it increasingly difficult to archive my life. There's nothing to archive. I've lost what I had inside of me. People around me are nice, but from another angle, they annoy the FUCK out of you. Oh, I don't use the F word on impulse. I may have been a little vulgar recently, and that's on purpose.

Something's been wrong with me recently. People almost annoy me. The most trivial of things put me off. I never do any work. I become judgmental. I act like a smartass. I crack the lamest of jokes ever. I don't keep my hands to myself, and never close my mouth. I'm not eating right either. I've also turned vulgar, out of my own hands. I fail to value everyday. I speak too fast, and too loud. I fail to value what I have, and the people I know. I hate it. I hate it all. I hate what i'm doing to myself. This isn't me. Ramesh isn't like this. Perhaps I just think and worry too much.

Will I ever find someone special? Will anyone ever understand me?

fuck it, scrape that. It isn't going to happen. I know it won't. Perhaps, it's time to take a step back. Then i'll be able to look at the picture as a whole. Life isn't all about moving forward, that's just a overrated saying.

Oh, and Siti thinks I looks like a girl. I can't imagine where that could have possibly have came from, but then agian, its Siti who thought up of this, so...ha! Nothing new heer ^___^

Ancherle had an interesting thought today. She was wondering what she was actually good at. Siti and Yen Chee both had taken art for their O levels, and were looking and discussing artwork. Personally, for me, my form of art would be Digital Art. 3D renders, website banners, etc etc. All this led Ancherle to think what was she actually good at. Hahaha, you'll never know. No one will. I'm betting she'd end up in the hospitality industry, but she'd like to beg to differ.

Another day. Happy, but meaningless. No depth. Still, that's no reason not to look and shape tomorrow into a better day. In any case, a happy day is what everyone would like. I wouldn't have it any other way. I just miss that certain amount of depth that used to me inside of me all the time. It's just gone.

Smiles!

you know, it's actually 5:50AM right now. I should be fast asleep, with my homework all done. But I can't. Sigh, i'm such a waste.

I still don't understand why I cried that day. It was for no apparent reason! does this mean i'm less emotionally strong? I thought my past failures and mistakes would have served me better in this context. I should stay strong.

That aside, I'm thinking why today turned out to become such a "horny day". Seriously!

...

is a "Mr. Niceguy" possible? or are all the nice guys are gone?